Now That's Forgiveness

A woman my age was recently arrested, charged with killing her 17 month old child.
There was blunt force trauma to the head and a puncture wound in the abdomen of her little boy. No one knows why, or perhaps no information has been released.

No reason in the universe would justify such an action. But I still struggle to try and understand. Is she mentally ill? Is she psychotic, detached from reality? She would have to be to kill her own child, right? Is she a monster? Was it an accident? How could this have happened?

I don't know any of these answers. As a mother, I have to believe that she must've been mentally ill or psychotic, because I cannot make sense of such an act any other way. I cannot begin to phathom what she must be experiencing today; mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I cannot imagine her pain when she is confronted with the reality of what has occurred.

But I do know this; that the God I serve has already forgiven her. All she need do is accept the gift of grace; the unearned favor already provided for her through the death of Jesus Christ.

How amazing is that?
Why does she deserve forgiveness? She doesn't, and neither do I. That's the point of God's grace. The definition of grace according to Webster is; "a delay granted for payment of an obligation". We've all heard of a 'grace period', right? The time the bank allows for us to pay a debt. But God's grace is FOREVER! And it can't be earned, it is a gift, through the sacrifice of Jesus.

Forgiveness, is defined "to give up resentment against or the desire to punish". This is the best news of all. God is not mad! He won't even keep an account of our wrongdoings, or the bad things we have done. When Jesus died on the cross he paid the price for my sin, for your sin, and for this mother's sin. The debt has been paid. This grace and forgiveness covers the entire offense, forever!

This woman will still have to pay the natural and societal consequences for her actions, whatever they may be. But God will not hold her eternally accountable if she accepts His gift.

Now that's forgiveness!

Much needed reminder from Jesus

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough

To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I’ll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world’s sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life

I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I’ll never let you go

I LOVE Valentine's Day!

I LOVE Valentine's Day! I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! It is my favorite holiday. I know that is weird, most people love Christmas the best, but I LOVE Valentine's Day.

Maybe I love it because it is two days before my birthday, oh and two days before my husbands birthday.
Or it may be because its the day you get to be sweet and sappy and expressive with how much you LOVE the people in your life. The day my husband proves his romantic side is still alive. Could be that he buckles under the pressure to buy a card but it's what the card says that will show he was thinking about me.
It might be because the Valentine's Day is filled with pink and red and frilly hearts. I LOVE pink and red and I LOVE hearts. Brighton Jewelry is my favorite because of all the various designs of hearts.
Maybe it's because my very first Valentine memory was a valentine card from a 2nd grade boy, when I was just a first grader. The folded little valentine read; "I Todd, Love You Deana". I saved that precious memory in a scrapbook; the old fashioned kind that you have to glue or tape everything onto the construction paper. The kind that gets really thick and full of little pieces of treasured mementos.
Certainly I love Valentine's Day because I have fond memories of the party's in the classrooms where we exchanged valentines and candy with all of our classmates, dropping a little card into each of the homemade mailboxes. I couldn't wait to get home and read all of my cards to see who gave me what kind of valentine. Was she really my friend? Did he secretly like me? The valentine could always solve the mystery. So I would read them and eat the candy as I walked home from school.
Mostly I think I LOVE Valentine's Day because my mom always made Valentine's Day very special. I would wake up to a pretty, girly card and a little candy treat either in my room or at the breakfast table. My favorite one was a little cardboard trinket box that had music when the lid was lifted. On Valentines Day I knew my mom loved me!
I have carried on the tradition with my own kids. Valentine's Day is about them too! I am not sure if my teenage son cares all that much for my sentiment, but i know he loves the candy and I know he is assured of my love for him.

A day for the history books

I grew up in a neighborhood with no "blacks". I went to elementary and middle school with less than half a dozen african-american students. My mom, born in 1954, did not see a person of color until she was 13. We moved, when I entered high school, into an area with a rather high population of african-american folks. My parents were worried about this, but I didnt know what the problem could be.

When the L.A riots occurred, I didn't get what all the fuss was about, why the black community was so outraged. My mom understood. She remembered the Watts riots 27 years earlier. I had not been exposed to racisim; I am white, I was born in the 70's, I grew up in a white neighborhood, in other words I was sheltered from it. Perhaps, I was the epitome of it, I didn't mean to be. I have never personally experienced social injustice, prejudice or been the victim of racism, I can't possibly know what that is like.

Today, the United States of America will inaugurate it's first African-American President. Despite your political beliefs you have to admit that is pretty darn amazing! What progress we have made. The people have spoken. The Black community must feel so incredibly proud and exonerated. The highest office in all the land is finally integrated! How far we have come as a society, that my kids don't see this, a black man elected president, as a very big deal.

I stand in support of my leadership, whoever it may be. I am thankful to be led by a christian man. I will be praying for him and the decisions he will be making. I am in awe that the new president is not much older than me (and has younger children). I am hopeful for the future and the changes that will be made and that he is black is pretty cool too.

deenuhz: Community

deenuhz: Community

Community

Almost 4 years ago, I sat in my living room holding a tiny baby with tears pouring down my face and stitches across my belly. My husband had to go back to school, only five days after our daughters birth. The room was quiet and very lonely. There were no visitors and I was desparate for one. Just someone to come and sit with me, I didn't need 'help', but really needed a friend. My feelings vascilated between pity and despair.
A friend from church called to see how I was doing and with a lilt in her voice said; "If you need anything you just let me know". I responded with; "I really just need some company" to which she replied; "Well, okay you just let me know". I thought I just did.

One angel came to visit, a beautiful woman from church. She brought a lovely present and sat with me and held my precious bundle as I cried and smiled. Trying my best to hold it together. As much as i enjoyed her coming, what a blessing!, our relationship was young and her presence seemed to compound my loneliness for others. Where was everyone? Had I really no friends? had I really not invested in relationships enough to have them here with me now in my time of need, in my time of joy, in my time of fear and saddness?

Here I am almost 4 years later and I am in awe of the difference. Right now at this moment I could call atleast a dozen women to; come over to sit with me, watch my child, make my family a meal, listen to my troubles or even help me laugh or cry. I have so many amazing people in my life today that I can't imagine living my life without them.

The difference? Community! I am part of a community. Women that support and encourage and help one another. We do life together and I wouldn't 'do life' any other way. I couldn't 'do life' any other way. I couldn't possibly slip through any crack today. If I hadn't been heard from in the next 7 days, someone would come calling. That is a great feeling of comfort and security and most of all love!

What holds us together? I suppose it could be woman power or motherhood or a kind of sisterhood but I believe that what holds us together is the love of Christ. We love others more than we love ourselves. Therefore, we put the needs of others ahead of our own. Guess what? Everybody wins that way!
I will never be lonely again, and I am so eternally grateful.

Profile of a Manic-Depressive

too loud
so busy
head spinning
too fast
racing
slow down
distracted
can't stop
can't stop talking
what did you say?
intrusive
exciting
fun
elated
strong
and confidant
exhilerating
dramatic
creative
successful
juggler
please slow down
irritable
hello, anxiety
over-stimulated
sleepless
risky
restless
quiet please
need peace
dangerous
ruinous
euphoric is nice
but grandiose
what just happened?
remorseful
and regretful
welcome, fatigue
apathetic
melancholic
senseless
confusion
tearful
excruciating
catastrophic
over-sensitive
empty
isolation
where did everybody go?
so lonely
it hurts
afraid
weeping
and hopeless
immobile
chronic
morbid
and sad
torcherous
worthless
disorganized
let go
painful
will it stop?
burdensome
frightened
and helpless
who am I?