too loud
so busy
head spinning
too fast
racing
slow down
distracted
can't stop
can't stop talking
what did you say?
intrusive
exciting
fun
elated
strong
and confidant
exhilerating
dramatic
creative
successful
juggler
please slow down
irritable
hello, anxiety
over-stimulated
sleepless
risky
restless
quiet please
need peace
dangerous
ruinous
euphoric is nice
but grandiose
what just happened?
remorseful
and regretful
welcome, fatigue
apathetic
melancholic
senseless
confusion
tearful
excruciating
catastrophic
over-sensitive
empty
isolation
where did everybody go?
so lonely
it hurts
afraid
weeping
and hopeless
immobile
chronic
morbid
and sad
torcherous
worthless
disorganized
let go
painful
will it stop?
burdensome
frightened
and helpless
who am I?
Friday, September 5, 2008
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
If You Give a Mom a Latte...
If you give a mom a latte,
She will want a scone to go with it.
If she gets a scone to go with it and eats the whole thing
she will feel guilty ‘cus she is on a diet.
If she feels guilty,
chances are she will want to go shopping to feel better.
She will ask you to go with her, and you will.
She will see a pair of sandals that she cannot and will not live without.
She will want an outfit to go with it.
But, she will remember that she is on a budget which does not include a new pair of sandals
Or a new outfit.
Chances are when she puts on the sandals she will want to have a pedicure.
While on her way to the pedicure she will remember she needs food for dinner tonight.
Being at the store will remind her that she has to pick up her kids.
Chances are she will ask you to pick up her kids and keep them until she finishes the pedicure.
Getting the pedicure will remind her of how much fun it was to be with you today and how thankful she is to have you for a friend.
So she will want to write you a fancy note card of thanks.
Writing the fancy note card of thanks will remind her to send a thank you note to Aunt Edna for buying her the lovely fancy note cards.
Reaching for another note card she will see the past due notice for the electric bill.
Paying the electric bill will remind her of the budget that did not include a new pair of sandals so she will post date the check hoping the electricity won’t be turned off.
As she is licking the envelope to mail she will remember that her kids asked for ice cream and get them some,
and she will get herself some too.
As she is getting her kids ready for bed she will remember that she has a date with her husband Friday night and needs to find a babysitter.
She calls her favorite babysitter and she is not available.
She calls her second favorite babysitter and she is busy too.
She calls her third favorite babysitter and she is going on a date with her boyfriend.
This will remind her of the good ‘ol days when she was dating her husband and how he looked so cute and how she was a size 2.
Remembering that she was a size 2 will make her feel guilty for eating the ice cream.
If she feels guilty for eating the ice cream she will want to go shopping to feel better.
She will want you to go with her, so you will.
On the way shopping she will see Starbucks and
She will remember that yummy scone.
And chances are,
if you give a mom a scone,
she will want a latte to go with it.
Written by Deana Hodgeson
She will want a scone to go with it.
If she gets a scone to go with it and eats the whole thing
she will feel guilty ‘cus she is on a diet.
If she feels guilty,
chances are she will want to go shopping to feel better.
She will ask you to go with her, and you will.
She will see a pair of sandals that she cannot and will not live without.
She will want an outfit to go with it.
But, she will remember that she is on a budget which does not include a new pair of sandals
Or a new outfit.
Chances are when she puts on the sandals she will want to have a pedicure.
While on her way to the pedicure she will remember she needs food for dinner tonight.
Being at the store will remind her that she has to pick up her kids.
Chances are she will ask you to pick up her kids and keep them until she finishes the pedicure.
Getting the pedicure will remind her of how much fun it was to be with you today and how thankful she is to have you for a friend.
So she will want to write you a fancy note card of thanks.
Writing the fancy note card of thanks will remind her to send a thank you note to Aunt Edna for buying her the lovely fancy note cards.
Reaching for another note card she will see the past due notice for the electric bill.
Paying the electric bill will remind her of the budget that did not include a new pair of sandals so she will post date the check hoping the electricity won’t be turned off.
As she is licking the envelope to mail she will remember that her kids asked for ice cream and get them some,
and she will get herself some too.
As she is getting her kids ready for bed she will remember that she has a date with her husband Friday night and needs to find a babysitter.
She calls her favorite babysitter and she is not available.
She calls her second favorite babysitter and she is busy too.
She calls her third favorite babysitter and she is going on a date with her boyfriend.
This will remind her of the good ‘ol days when she was dating her husband and how he looked so cute and how she was a size 2.
Remembering that she was a size 2 will make her feel guilty for eating the ice cream.
If she feels guilty for eating the ice cream she will want to go shopping to feel better.
She will want you to go with her, so you will.
On the way shopping she will see Starbucks and
She will remember that yummy scone.
And chances are,
if you give a mom a scone,
she will want a latte to go with it.
Written by Deana Hodgeson
Monday, July 28, 2008
those days are gone, but not forever
There was a time in my life when i was able to get my nails and toes done every 2 weeks. It was glorious! Although i failed to recognize how indulgent it was at the time and how lucky i was to be able to do this very special treat for myself and my nails this often.
I have long known that most people either have time or they have money. Most people want both but rarely get it.
I had both for awhile although my days were packed, i still recognize today that truly I had time AND money to do pretty much whatever I wanted, except fly first class or go on lavish vacations. I mean in the down to earth sort of way; eating out when i wanted, buying a new purse or pair of shoes when i wanted, having my car washed, not watching a grocery budget. I was by no means wealthy.
However, those days are gone. My daughter was born 3 years ago and if you know anything abount infants and toddlers you know that they demand and require most of your time and attention. The money doesn't flow like it used to either. We are just in a season of life that requires us to budget and sacrifice, which we are not really skilled or practiced in doing.
I am not at all ungrateful, or having a pity party. I am simply being observant.
Why is it that we can only see what we had when its gone? Isn't that strange? I have prided myself on my ability to really enjoy and cherish the moments in life, even the mundane that most people take for granted. Especially those involving my son. Having your child for only 15 days each month really helps you to have perspective on things; parenting, discipline, relationships, priorities, being purposeful.
Although my days are different now, compared to what they used to be. i only hope that my memory of them will sustain me until i can do them again.
Care to join me for a mani/pedi and a long lunch in, say, 2018?
I have long known that most people either have time or they have money. Most people want both but rarely get it.
I had both for awhile although my days were packed, i still recognize today that truly I had time AND money to do pretty much whatever I wanted, except fly first class or go on lavish vacations. I mean in the down to earth sort of way; eating out when i wanted, buying a new purse or pair of shoes when i wanted, having my car washed, not watching a grocery budget. I was by no means wealthy.
However, those days are gone. My daughter was born 3 years ago and if you know anything abount infants and toddlers you know that they demand and require most of your time and attention. The money doesn't flow like it used to either. We are just in a season of life that requires us to budget and sacrifice, which we are not really skilled or practiced in doing.
I am not at all ungrateful, or having a pity party. I am simply being observant.
Why is it that we can only see what we had when its gone? Isn't that strange? I have prided myself on my ability to really enjoy and cherish the moments in life, even the mundane that most people take for granted. Especially those involving my son. Having your child for only 15 days each month really helps you to have perspective on things; parenting, discipline, relationships, priorities, being purposeful.
Although my days are different now, compared to what they used to be. i only hope that my memory of them will sustain me until i can do them again.
Care to join me for a mani/pedi and a long lunch in, say, 2018?
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
life isn't science
I just realized why i like baking so much. Besides the fact that it is pure comfort food and that it is so yummy and makes people happy.
Baking is a science, it is precise. Few things in life are as predictable as baking. You need to measure carefully and when all ingrediants are added together in the proper amounts, the result is something not only amazing and delicious but expected!
Another baking realization is about experience. I can tell you being as articulate and colorful as possible what a brownie tastes like but until you actually taste it and experience for yourself you don't really know what it is and how it tastes.
Just like other life experiences; the birth of a child, the loss of a loved one, a divorce. Until you experience these first hand you really can't know for sure what it feels like or looks like or how it plays out.
Also, just like the bible; it details how to live rightly and Jesus explains what the best course is for our lives. Proverbs does a pretty good job colorfully illustrating what is right and wrong, what is wise and foolish. Psalms is beautifully written and way over the top in its descriptions of worship. Jesus tells us how to relate to others, how to serve, how to love, how to live holy. But until you actullay experience these things for yourself, its all just words and theory and speculation.
Life is not science; its unpredictable, its complicated, its messy, its experiential, its subjective.....but not baking, that's why I like it!
Baking is a science, it is precise. Few things in life are as predictable as baking. You need to measure carefully and when all ingrediants are added together in the proper amounts, the result is something not only amazing and delicious but expected!
Another baking realization is about experience. I can tell you being as articulate and colorful as possible what a brownie tastes like but until you actually taste it and experience for yourself you don't really know what it is and how it tastes.
Just like other life experiences; the birth of a child, the loss of a loved one, a divorce. Until you experience these first hand you really can't know for sure what it feels like or looks like or how it plays out.
Also, just like the bible; it details how to live rightly and Jesus explains what the best course is for our lives. Proverbs does a pretty good job colorfully illustrating what is right and wrong, what is wise and foolish. Psalms is beautifully written and way over the top in its descriptions of worship. Jesus tells us how to relate to others, how to serve, how to love, how to live holy. But until you actullay experience these things for yourself, its all just words and theory and speculation.
Life is not science; its unpredictable, its complicated, its messy, its experiential, its subjective.....but not baking, that's why I like it!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
lessons from my kid
So my daughter and i were sitting eating ice cream after lunch today. Since I eat faster than her i got up to get more. She asked me if she could have some more to which i replied; "no sweetie, you have enough". Without even thinking about it she asked; "then why did you get yourself some more?"
My first answer would have been; "'cuz i am bigger than you, or 'cuz i am in charge" but instead i told her i had a smaller amount than her so i needed just a little bit more.
Then i realized the truth; '
because i can control her portions but i apparantly cannot control my own.
Lessons from a 3 year old are hard!
My first answer would have been; "'cuz i am bigger than you, or 'cuz i am in charge" but instead i told her i had a smaller amount than her so i needed just a little bit more.
Then i realized the truth; '
because i can control her portions but i apparantly cannot control my own.
Lessons from a 3 year old are hard!
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Insomnia and beach dreaming
I wonder if Insomnia is my way of gettig what i really want....to be alone in the quiet and the selfish absorption of whatever i want to do right now; write, eat, watch my tivo shows (like all 12 of them in a row). Fold laundry and stack it up all over the living room without fear of the little one knocking it over.
I can sleep in right? ha! not likely. but i dont care 'cuz i can sleep on vacation....
We are leaving for our annual pilgrimage to the beach for a glorious 7 whole nights! I am beside myself with excitement. I like to pretend that i live there fulltime, that i am a local and know what i am doing and where i am going and what coffee shop is best and what fish is fresh and ...sheesh i sound so self-absorbed. Truly i just really really love the beach. I love beach communities, i love the people and their laid back 'easy does it' attitude. I love that i could bring a pair of shorts and a bathing suit and be all set for the week (not that i would, i am such a girl and always pack for like a month). I love the way the beach air feels and the way my hair is always frizzy and sticky (just kidding), I love the salty air and how my towels never dry when i hang them up (thats a joke too). I love the sound of the ocean and the sunsets, oh my gosh the sunsets are amazing. i don't particularly like going into the ocean water...have you seen the so-cal ocean water??
I love the simple life; 600 square feet, 1 bathroom and all. It is so easy and so simple, uncomplicated and free. Why then do i have a 2500 square foot house full of stuff?? I don't know, that may be a topic for another post.
I have always admired my friend Shari and her simple life; the girl has like 2 pairs of shoes and barely a coat closet full of clothes (and always looks Banana Republic fantastic!) She only keeps books she adores and her house never looks cluttered, because there isn't anything to clutter it. Did I mention she has 3 kids?
I wish i could do that.
One day I will live at the beach, either part-time or full time...I will be the one ticky ticky typing away at all hours of the night.
I can sleep in right? ha! not likely. but i dont care 'cuz i can sleep on vacation....
We are leaving for our annual pilgrimage to the beach for a glorious 7 whole nights! I am beside myself with excitement. I like to pretend that i live there fulltime, that i am a local and know what i am doing and where i am going and what coffee shop is best and what fish is fresh and ...sheesh i sound so self-absorbed. Truly i just really really love the beach. I love beach communities, i love the people and their laid back 'easy does it' attitude. I love that i could bring a pair of shorts and a bathing suit and be all set for the week (not that i would, i am such a girl and always pack for like a month). I love the way the beach air feels and the way my hair is always frizzy and sticky (just kidding), I love the salty air and how my towels never dry when i hang them up (thats a joke too). I love the sound of the ocean and the sunsets, oh my gosh the sunsets are amazing. i don't particularly like going into the ocean water...have you seen the so-cal ocean water??
I love the simple life; 600 square feet, 1 bathroom and all. It is so easy and so simple, uncomplicated and free. Why then do i have a 2500 square foot house full of stuff?? I don't know, that may be a topic for another post.
I have always admired my friend Shari and her simple life; the girl has like 2 pairs of shoes and barely a coat closet full of clothes (and always looks Banana Republic fantastic!) She only keeps books she adores and her house never looks cluttered, because there isn't anything to clutter it. Did I mention she has 3 kids?
I wish i could do that.
One day I will live at the beach, either part-time or full time...I will be the one ticky ticky typing away at all hours of the night.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Note taking
As I was frantically writing during lecture today I paused to look at my handwriting. It looked really foreign to me and it dawned on me; I dont ever read my notes!
I haven't reviwed my notetaking on a regular basis since 1994, the year i graduated from college.
Why is that true?
I am not sure why I don't read them. Perhaps its the old; "out of sight, out of mind".
But I really do want to remember what I am writing, that's why I take notes.
I take notes when i think its important information.
I also take notes to stay awake and to stay focused.
So can anyone tell me why I never read them?
I enjoy taking notes, and it is a habit. But i suppose i need to establish a habit of re-reading them.....
maybe i will become smarter.
I haven't reviwed my notetaking on a regular basis since 1994, the year i graduated from college.
Why is that true?
I am not sure why I don't read them. Perhaps its the old; "out of sight, out of mind".
But I really do want to remember what I am writing, that's why I take notes.
I take notes when i think its important information.
I also take notes to stay awake and to stay focused.
So can anyone tell me why I never read them?
I enjoy taking notes, and it is a habit. But i suppose i need to establish a habit of re-reading them.....
maybe i will become smarter.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Bedtime
My daughter doesn't ever want to miss anything. At 3 years old she has a lot to see and experience and refuses to be separated from the action. As parents we are trying to get her to go to bed without one of us laying right next to her. I recognize this is a small price to pay to get her to fall asleep peacefully, but we are acknowledging something bigger; that we need to teach her that the lives of others don't revolve around her and she cannot always have what she wants.
We tried to reason with her; "mommy and daddy need 'mommy and daddy' time", but at her age and development level she is incapable of putting the needs of others ahead of her own.
After the first hour of the crying and jack-in-the-box (getting out of her bed over and over) we couldn't stop laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. This kid is more than tenacious!
After the second hour we were exhausted, scratching our heads and out of ideas. My husband called out to her, as she peeked around the corner out of bed again, and said in a very exasperated tone; "Just go to bed!" To which she replied; "I don't want to!"
Then it struck me! The parallel is so interesting. God must watch us and shake his head too.
God guides us to make right choices, and we refuse. Then God guides us again and we refuse again. We know what we need to be doing but instead of doing it we cry and throw a fit. Then our wrong actions and poor choices bring consequences that hurt. God must shake his head and say; "just do it!" To which the most defiant of us will respond; "I don't want to." Our continued defiance will lead to more pain and more suffering.
My daughter could've submitted to authority, gone to bed, fallen asleep and had sweet dreams for the required number of hours that her growing little body needs. But instead she cried and threw a fit and remained defiant for over 2 hours. (btw after about 10 minutes of silence, i looked in on her and she was sleeping like a baby; I cannot be certain if she finally decided to comply or if she just collapsed in fatigue, my bet is on the latter).
Unlike God, I am not sure what tomorrows' bedtime will bring. I am not even sure we are doing what is right. I just pray that I will be able to submit to God's authority and follow where He guides.
We tried to reason with her; "mommy and daddy need 'mommy and daddy' time", but at her age and development level she is incapable of putting the needs of others ahead of her own.
After the first hour of the crying and jack-in-the-box (getting out of her bed over and over) we couldn't stop laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. This kid is more than tenacious!
After the second hour we were exhausted, scratching our heads and out of ideas. My husband called out to her, as she peeked around the corner out of bed again, and said in a very exasperated tone; "Just go to bed!" To which she replied; "I don't want to!"
Then it struck me! The parallel is so interesting. God must watch us and shake his head too.
God guides us to make right choices, and we refuse. Then God guides us again and we refuse again. We know what we need to be doing but instead of doing it we cry and throw a fit. Then our wrong actions and poor choices bring consequences that hurt. God must shake his head and say; "just do it!" To which the most defiant of us will respond; "I don't want to." Our continued defiance will lead to more pain and more suffering.
My daughter could've submitted to authority, gone to bed, fallen asleep and had sweet dreams for the required number of hours that her growing little body needs. But instead she cried and threw a fit and remained defiant for over 2 hours. (btw after about 10 minutes of silence, i looked in on her and she was sleeping like a baby; I cannot be certain if she finally decided to comply or if she just collapsed in fatigue, my bet is on the latter).
Unlike God, I am not sure what tomorrows' bedtime will bring. I am not even sure we are doing what is right. I just pray that I will be able to submit to God's authority and follow where He guides.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Help?
Allowing people to help us is part of God's plan. In fact it is so much a part of God's plan that when we don't allow others to help, we are hindering progress. Not progress just for ourselves, but for others.
Why do we need to do it all alone? Maybe we allow one person in, to help us; offer counsel, be a shoulder to cry on, make soup when we are sick, etc? Why do we need to be so strong and capable? Is that a western philosophy or a result of the fall? We humans, hide our weaknesses. Adam and Eve set the tone on this one. We are independent and strong-willed. We have been trying to do life alone ever since, trying to get through it all, figure it all out, weather the storms.
Pain is the pathway to peace, i get that in light of the "no pain, no gain" concept. But I am a do-er from way back, I need movement and action. I do not sit well with pain, like an amoeba i move away from pain, even avoid it all costs. (big sigh)
How do I allow others in my life to be part of the pain that i so strongly resist??
God always has a plan. My purpose is to get on board with it. His plan always includes others and ultimatly leads to his glory.
So if anyone is listening..........I am asking...........Help. Help?
Why do we need to do it all alone? Maybe we allow one person in, to help us; offer counsel, be a shoulder to cry on, make soup when we are sick, etc? Why do we need to be so strong and capable? Is that a western philosophy or a result of the fall? We humans, hide our weaknesses. Adam and Eve set the tone on this one. We are independent and strong-willed. We have been trying to do life alone ever since, trying to get through it all, figure it all out, weather the storms.
Pain is the pathway to peace, i get that in light of the "no pain, no gain" concept. But I am a do-er from way back, I need movement and action. I do not sit well with pain, like an amoeba i move away from pain, even avoid it all costs. (big sigh)
How do I allow others in my life to be part of the pain that i so strongly resist??
God always has a plan. My purpose is to get on board with it. His plan always includes others and ultimatly leads to his glory.
So if anyone is listening..........I am asking...........Help. Help?
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
have you ever noticed...?
Have you ever noticed, that when you 'go on a diet' all of a sudden you want all the foods you 'can't' have???
I don't even eat bacon (ok, rarely) but today i am dying to have some hot off the greasy griddle, crispy and thick dipped in syrup paired nicely with some restaurant made steamy hot pancakes and some really good and hot coffee, with real sugar and half/half.
Have you ever noticed food tastes so much better when someone else makes it?
But today i am learning self-discipline (a life long journey) because i would like to shed this "winter weight" (aka 'In-in-Out animal fries' added pounds). I have also unearthed my strong desire to be the weight I used to be in college (a bit laughable really). You know what i am talking about; the fitness level you achieved by carrying 15 pounds on your back every day, walking miles to and from classes, and going to the gym everyday because you actually had all the time in the world (aahh those were the days). Have you ever noticed that life is not all about you anymore?
Small print: i don't endorse diets, I think they are stupid, they just make you crave foods that are bad for you because you are so deprived that you'll eat anything; the more fat, salt and sugar the better. (I am sure this is a biological mechanism of some kind). and i certainly don't think there exists a food that you 'can't' have. Ok I submit there are foods you probably shouldn't have and ofcourse if you are allergic or something, but even then you can have them if you want to suffer the consequences.
This leads to my lifes motto: "Everybody makes choices". Have you ever noticed that?
I don't even eat bacon (ok, rarely) but today i am dying to have some hot off the greasy griddle, crispy and thick dipped in syrup paired nicely with some restaurant made steamy hot pancakes and some really good and hot coffee, with real sugar and half/half.
Have you ever noticed food tastes so much better when someone else makes it?
But today i am learning self-discipline (a life long journey) because i would like to shed this "winter weight" (aka 'In-in-Out animal fries' added pounds). I have also unearthed my strong desire to be the weight I used to be in college (a bit laughable really). You know what i am talking about; the fitness level you achieved by carrying 15 pounds on your back every day, walking miles to and from classes, and going to the gym everyday because you actually had all the time in the world (aahh those were the days). Have you ever noticed that life is not all about you anymore?
Small print: i don't endorse diets, I think they are stupid, they just make you crave foods that are bad for you because you are so deprived that you'll eat anything; the more fat, salt and sugar the better. (I am sure this is a biological mechanism of some kind). and i certainly don't think there exists a food that you 'can't' have. Ok I submit there are foods you probably shouldn't have and ofcourse if you are allergic or something, but even then you can have them if you want to suffer the consequences.
This leads to my lifes motto: "Everybody makes choices". Have you ever noticed that?
Friday, May 30, 2008
Ok so I have changed my mind
Ok Ok
so I won't keep this private anymore. I will likely write more if I know someone is reading it. Certainly i could use the practice expressing my thoughts through some sort of a filter. I could not be completely honest here in this blog, because it would not always be nice or beneficial and could potentially hurt. I do not want to vent my feelings, frustrations, random ramblings at the expense of another.
Besides, the Bible tells me to hold my tongue; there is life and death in the power of the tongue. (something like that)
So if you decide to read my blog; have fun, laugh, cry, hurt, think, and ponder while you read the typings from my, sometimes de-railed, brain.
Just a word of caution; I am very open and very honest. I do not intend to hurt anyone or run for political office. These thoughts are primarily for my therapeutic benefit and thought you might be curious to come along for the ride. Perhaps they can be read for entertainment purposes only, but I certainly hope we will both gain insight. I will post some and edit what needs to be edited.
So don't be alarmed, do not be afraid.....this could get interesting.
so I won't keep this private anymore. I will likely write more if I know someone is reading it. Certainly i could use the practice expressing my thoughts through some sort of a filter. I could not be completely honest here in this blog, because it would not always be nice or beneficial and could potentially hurt. I do not want to vent my feelings, frustrations, random ramblings at the expense of another.
Besides, the Bible tells me to hold my tongue; there is life and death in the power of the tongue. (something like that)
So if you decide to read my blog; have fun, laugh, cry, hurt, think, and ponder while you read the typings from my, sometimes de-railed, brain.
Just a word of caution; I am very open and very honest. I do not intend to hurt anyone or run for political office. These thoughts are primarily for my therapeutic benefit and thought you might be curious to come along for the ride. Perhaps they can be read for entertainment purposes only, but I certainly hope we will both gain insight. I will post some and edit what needs to be edited.
So don't be alarmed, do not be afraid.....this could get interesting.
Are we happy plastic people
Is there anyone that fails?Is there anyone that falls?
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small?
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's ok
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I'll play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles that hide our pain
But if the invitations open
To every heart that's been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who's been there?
Are there any hands to raise?
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage?
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If i dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay?
My favorite song! (emphasis mine)
Lyrics by Casting Crowns "Stained Glass Masquerade"
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small?
Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong
So I tuck it all away, like everything's ok
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I'll play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles that hide our pain
But if the invitations open
To every heart that's been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain on our stained glass masquerade
Is there anyone who's been there?
Are there any hands to raise?
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage?
The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart
But would it set me free
If i dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay?
My favorite song! (emphasis mine)
Lyrics by Casting Crowns "Stained Glass Masquerade"
Saturday, January 26, 2008
at a loss
I am feling a bit at a loss.
i just lost what i typed and now i am even more mad!!
forget it i am going to bed!
i just lost what i typed and now i am even more mad!!
forget it i am going to bed!
Friday, January 25, 2008
Romantic Love
Ya know what is attractive?
A man pining over his woman.
A man making decalrative statements to another about his woman.
A man who will be expressive about how he feels about her.
It feels good to hear; "I love you" or "You are beautiful" or "I like the way you.....".
A partner, a mate, a love, a friend, a confidant, a leader, is a strong secure man.
A man pining over his woman.
A man making decalrative statements to another about his woman.
A man who will be expressive about how he feels about her.
It feels good to hear; "I love you" or "You are beautiful" or "I like the way you.....".
A partner, a mate, a love, a friend, a confidant, a leader, is a strong secure man.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
God grant me the serenity
I want this to be a forum in where i can be free to express my emotions; the good, the bad and the ugly, without censor.
I cannot be completely free if i have to censor and i cannot be truly honest if i have to censor. I would fear judgement and criticism and be concerned with the content. I don't want to hurt anyone or condemn anyone so I would rather not publicize my thoughts. These are for my therapeutic benefit alone.
I cannot be completely free if i have to censor and i cannot be truly honest if i have to censor. I would fear judgement and criticism and be concerned with the content. I don't want to hurt anyone or condemn anyone so I would rather not publicize my thoughts. These are for my therapeutic benefit alone.
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