I wonder if Insomnia is my way of gettig what i really want....to be alone in the quiet and the selfish absorption of whatever i want to do right now; write, eat, watch my tivo shows (like all 12 of them in a row). Fold laundry and stack it up all over the living room without fear of the little one knocking it over.
I can sleep in right? ha! not likely. but i dont care 'cuz i can sleep on vacation....
We are leaving for our annual pilgrimage to the beach for a glorious 7 whole nights! I am beside myself with excitement. I like to pretend that i live there fulltime, that i am a local and know what i am doing and where i am going and what coffee shop is best and what fish is fresh and ...sheesh i sound so self-absorbed. Truly i just really really love the beach. I love beach communities, i love the people and their laid back 'easy does it' attitude. I love that i could bring a pair of shorts and a bathing suit and be all set for the week (not that i would, i am such a girl and always pack for like a month). I love the way the beach air feels and the way my hair is always frizzy and sticky (just kidding), I love the salty air and how my towels never dry when i hang them up (thats a joke too). I love the sound of the ocean and the sunsets, oh my gosh the sunsets are amazing. i don't particularly like going into the ocean water...have you seen the so-cal ocean water??
I love the simple life; 600 square feet, 1 bathroom and all. It is so easy and so simple, uncomplicated and free. Why then do i have a 2500 square foot house full of stuff?? I don't know, that may be a topic for another post.
I have always admired my friend Shari and her simple life; the girl has like 2 pairs of shoes and barely a coat closet full of clothes (and always looks Banana Republic fantastic!) She only keeps books she adores and her house never looks cluttered, because there isn't anything to clutter it. Did I mention she has 3 kids?
I wish i could do that.
One day I will live at the beach, either part-time or full time...I will be the one ticky ticky typing away at all hours of the night.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Note taking
As I was frantically writing during lecture today I paused to look at my handwriting. It looked really foreign to me and it dawned on me; I dont ever read my notes!
I haven't reviwed my notetaking on a regular basis since 1994, the year i graduated from college.
Why is that true?
I am not sure why I don't read them. Perhaps its the old; "out of sight, out of mind".
But I really do want to remember what I am writing, that's why I take notes.
I take notes when i think its important information.
I also take notes to stay awake and to stay focused.
So can anyone tell me why I never read them?
I enjoy taking notes, and it is a habit. But i suppose i need to establish a habit of re-reading them.....
maybe i will become smarter.
I haven't reviwed my notetaking on a regular basis since 1994, the year i graduated from college.
Why is that true?
I am not sure why I don't read them. Perhaps its the old; "out of sight, out of mind".
But I really do want to remember what I am writing, that's why I take notes.
I take notes when i think its important information.
I also take notes to stay awake and to stay focused.
So can anyone tell me why I never read them?
I enjoy taking notes, and it is a habit. But i suppose i need to establish a habit of re-reading them.....
maybe i will become smarter.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Bedtime
My daughter doesn't ever want to miss anything. At 3 years old she has a lot to see and experience and refuses to be separated from the action. As parents we are trying to get her to go to bed without one of us laying right next to her. I recognize this is a small price to pay to get her to fall asleep peacefully, but we are acknowledging something bigger; that we need to teach her that the lives of others don't revolve around her and she cannot always have what she wants.
We tried to reason with her; "mommy and daddy need 'mommy and daddy' time", but at her age and development level she is incapable of putting the needs of others ahead of her own.
After the first hour of the crying and jack-in-the-box (getting out of her bed over and over) we couldn't stop laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. This kid is more than tenacious!
After the second hour we were exhausted, scratching our heads and out of ideas. My husband called out to her, as she peeked around the corner out of bed again, and said in a very exasperated tone; "Just go to bed!" To which she replied; "I don't want to!"
Then it struck me! The parallel is so interesting. God must watch us and shake his head too.
God guides us to make right choices, and we refuse. Then God guides us again and we refuse again. We know what we need to be doing but instead of doing it we cry and throw a fit. Then our wrong actions and poor choices bring consequences that hurt. God must shake his head and say; "just do it!" To which the most defiant of us will respond; "I don't want to." Our continued defiance will lead to more pain and more suffering.
My daughter could've submitted to authority, gone to bed, fallen asleep and had sweet dreams for the required number of hours that her growing little body needs. But instead she cried and threw a fit and remained defiant for over 2 hours. (btw after about 10 minutes of silence, i looked in on her and she was sleeping like a baby; I cannot be certain if she finally decided to comply or if she just collapsed in fatigue, my bet is on the latter).
Unlike God, I am not sure what tomorrows' bedtime will bring. I am not even sure we are doing what is right. I just pray that I will be able to submit to God's authority and follow where He guides.
We tried to reason with her; "mommy and daddy need 'mommy and daddy' time", but at her age and development level she is incapable of putting the needs of others ahead of her own.
After the first hour of the crying and jack-in-the-box (getting out of her bed over and over) we couldn't stop laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. This kid is more than tenacious!
After the second hour we were exhausted, scratching our heads and out of ideas. My husband called out to her, as she peeked around the corner out of bed again, and said in a very exasperated tone; "Just go to bed!" To which she replied; "I don't want to!"
Then it struck me! The parallel is so interesting. God must watch us and shake his head too.
God guides us to make right choices, and we refuse. Then God guides us again and we refuse again. We know what we need to be doing but instead of doing it we cry and throw a fit. Then our wrong actions and poor choices bring consequences that hurt. God must shake his head and say; "just do it!" To which the most defiant of us will respond; "I don't want to." Our continued defiance will lead to more pain and more suffering.
My daughter could've submitted to authority, gone to bed, fallen asleep and had sweet dreams for the required number of hours that her growing little body needs. But instead she cried and threw a fit and remained defiant for over 2 hours. (btw after about 10 minutes of silence, i looked in on her and she was sleeping like a baby; I cannot be certain if she finally decided to comply or if she just collapsed in fatigue, my bet is on the latter).
Unlike God, I am not sure what tomorrows' bedtime will bring. I am not even sure we are doing what is right. I just pray that I will be able to submit to God's authority and follow where He guides.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Help?
Allowing people to help us is part of God's plan. In fact it is so much a part of God's plan that when we don't allow others to help, we are hindering progress. Not progress just for ourselves, but for others.
Why do we need to do it all alone? Maybe we allow one person in, to help us; offer counsel, be a shoulder to cry on, make soup when we are sick, etc? Why do we need to be so strong and capable? Is that a western philosophy or a result of the fall? We humans, hide our weaknesses. Adam and Eve set the tone on this one. We are independent and strong-willed. We have been trying to do life alone ever since, trying to get through it all, figure it all out, weather the storms.
Pain is the pathway to peace, i get that in light of the "no pain, no gain" concept. But I am a do-er from way back, I need movement and action. I do not sit well with pain, like an amoeba i move away from pain, even avoid it all costs. (big sigh)
How do I allow others in my life to be part of the pain that i so strongly resist??
God always has a plan. My purpose is to get on board with it. His plan always includes others and ultimatly leads to his glory.
So if anyone is listening..........I am asking...........Help. Help?
Why do we need to do it all alone? Maybe we allow one person in, to help us; offer counsel, be a shoulder to cry on, make soup when we are sick, etc? Why do we need to be so strong and capable? Is that a western philosophy or a result of the fall? We humans, hide our weaknesses. Adam and Eve set the tone on this one. We are independent and strong-willed. We have been trying to do life alone ever since, trying to get through it all, figure it all out, weather the storms.
Pain is the pathway to peace, i get that in light of the "no pain, no gain" concept. But I am a do-er from way back, I need movement and action. I do not sit well with pain, like an amoeba i move away from pain, even avoid it all costs. (big sigh)
How do I allow others in my life to be part of the pain that i so strongly resist??
God always has a plan. My purpose is to get on board with it. His plan always includes others and ultimatly leads to his glory.
So if anyone is listening..........I am asking...........Help. Help?
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
have you ever noticed...?
Have you ever noticed, that when you 'go on a diet' all of a sudden you want all the foods you 'can't' have???
I don't even eat bacon (ok, rarely) but today i am dying to have some hot off the greasy griddle, crispy and thick dipped in syrup paired nicely with some restaurant made steamy hot pancakes and some really good and hot coffee, with real sugar and half/half.
Have you ever noticed food tastes so much better when someone else makes it?
But today i am learning self-discipline (a life long journey) because i would like to shed this "winter weight" (aka 'In-in-Out animal fries' added pounds). I have also unearthed my strong desire to be the weight I used to be in college (a bit laughable really). You know what i am talking about; the fitness level you achieved by carrying 15 pounds on your back every day, walking miles to and from classes, and going to the gym everyday because you actually had all the time in the world (aahh those were the days). Have you ever noticed that life is not all about you anymore?
Small print: i don't endorse diets, I think they are stupid, they just make you crave foods that are bad for you because you are so deprived that you'll eat anything; the more fat, salt and sugar the better. (I am sure this is a biological mechanism of some kind). and i certainly don't think there exists a food that you 'can't' have. Ok I submit there are foods you probably shouldn't have and ofcourse if you are allergic or something, but even then you can have them if you want to suffer the consequences.
This leads to my lifes motto: "Everybody makes choices". Have you ever noticed that?
I don't even eat bacon (ok, rarely) but today i am dying to have some hot off the greasy griddle, crispy and thick dipped in syrup paired nicely with some restaurant made steamy hot pancakes and some really good and hot coffee, with real sugar and half/half.
Have you ever noticed food tastes so much better when someone else makes it?
But today i am learning self-discipline (a life long journey) because i would like to shed this "winter weight" (aka 'In-in-Out animal fries' added pounds). I have also unearthed my strong desire to be the weight I used to be in college (a bit laughable really). You know what i am talking about; the fitness level you achieved by carrying 15 pounds on your back every day, walking miles to and from classes, and going to the gym everyday because you actually had all the time in the world (aahh those were the days). Have you ever noticed that life is not all about you anymore?
Small print: i don't endorse diets, I think they are stupid, they just make you crave foods that are bad for you because you are so deprived that you'll eat anything; the more fat, salt and sugar the better. (I am sure this is a biological mechanism of some kind). and i certainly don't think there exists a food that you 'can't' have. Ok I submit there are foods you probably shouldn't have and ofcourse if you are allergic or something, but even then you can have them if you want to suffer the consequences.
This leads to my lifes motto: "Everybody makes choices". Have you ever noticed that?
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