I'm thinking
this would make a great title
of a book,
of a short story,
perhaps a bio
or even research.
I have always been humbled by the site of someone homeless.
I can't recall ever judging or condemning or thinking I was better than.
My earliest recollections of this were of sharing my compassion with my mom
and asking how this happens. How does one become homeless? I learned a very
very valuable lesson that has stuck with me. She said; "people make choices".
How incredibly wise.
I fought that idea for a long time; It's not their fault, I said, they can't help it, they must have bad luck, maybe they were abandoned, maybe they are sick, addicted or damaged. I could not wrap my brain around how a person could 'end up' homeless.
I have since come to believe the words my mother spoke to me nearly two decades ago;
"people make choices".
In every circumstance, no matter what the cause of their plight, I have learned that people make choices.
People make choices: to finish high school or not, to go to college or not, to get a job or not, to open that business or not, to take a risk or not, to avoid drugs or not, to get married or not, to eat healthy or not, to drive safely or not, to stay married or not, to learn new ways of coping or not, to reach out to others or not...
See my point? The list can go on and on and on.
Simple? No. Very complex. People are complex.
I am not above such a reality. No one is.
Well, maybe Bill Gates or Donald Trump. But, guess what? They make choices too! Everyday! Everyday they make a choice to continue, to keep working, to pursue, to invest, to hire, to fire, to sell or buy.
Remember The Great Depression?
Me neither.
But I know a little about the history.
Poverty and homelessness happened to a lot of people.
Overnight.
It can happen to me. I am not immune.
I make choices too.
Choice #1:
to follow Christ,
to stand up under His grace,
my redemption,
His promises.
I have made my share of choices; both good and bad, profitable and costly.
I have few regrets.
My past failings are just lessons to be learned.
Some hurt.
Hurt a lot.
But God,
carries me through them all,
if I choose.
Monday, December 28, 2009
I should not claim to blog
How can I claim to blog
when the last time
I typed
anything
was earlier this year.
Now,
the year is over.
should I catch you up?
I have been mulling over this thought
I keep coming up with the urge to.
Its quite intense and a bit intimate
but
honestly
those are the blogs I love reading the most.
exposing?
yes.
vulnerable?
yes.
rewarding?
I'm not sure, prehaps relieving.
we'll see
the year is not up
yet.
when the last time
I typed
anything
was earlier this year.
Now,
the year is over.
should I catch you up?
I have been mulling over this thought
I keep coming up with the urge to.
Its quite intense and a bit intimate
but
honestly
those are the blogs I love reading the most.
exposing?
yes.
vulnerable?
yes.
rewarding?
I'm not sure, prehaps relieving.
we'll see
the year is not up
yet.
Monday, April 20, 2009
It Is Well With My Soul
I got the call as I was walking to my car after church service, my list in hand for the last minute details needed for my daughters 4th birthday party. This morning her teenaged daughter died in a very tragic car accident. Killed instantly. Immediatley I searched for ways to offer comfort. Nothing seemed good enough. I could be available, I could watch kids, I could cook or clean, or just hug her and help her cry. But Lord how could I possibly comfort her?
The devotion I had been preparing for Tuesday suddenly made sense.
The hymn entitled "It Is Well With My Soul" was written by a man named Horatio Spafford in 1873. This prominent lawyer and businessman from Chicago knew tragedy, he lived it. In 1871 his only son died at the age of four from scarlet fever, later he lost everything in the Great Chicago Fire, ruining him financially. Aware of the toll that these disasters had taken on his family, Horatio decided to take his wife and four daughters along with him to help DL Moody in England during an evangelstic tour as well as enjoy some time of rest. However, just before boarding the ship in New York, a last minute business development forced him to delay. Rather than ruining the familys holiday he urged them to go on ahead and he would follow shortly.
On November 2, 1873 their ship collided with an english vessel. It sank in 12 minutes, claiming the lives of 226 people. Anna Spafford had stood bravely on the deck with her daughters Annie, Maggie, Bessie, and Tanetta clinging desparately to her. Her last memory was of her baby being ripped violently from her arms by the forceful waters. Anna was saved only by a floating plank supporting her unconcious body.
Horatio received a telegram from Anna that read; "Saved Alone, What shall I do?" As he journeyed to meet his grieving wife, he passed over the location where his daughters had died, and was inspired to write the words to this now timeless, classic hymn.
My most favorite line reads; 'No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life, thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.'
Philipians 4:7 reminds me that; 'The peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus'.
I can't say that my faith could be as strong as Mr. Spaffords, but I am encouraged and inspired by his demonstration. I cannot say for sure that I could live through such tribulation, but I know that God, who sustained them, would also sustain me.
The devotion I had been preparing for Tuesday suddenly made sense.
The hymn entitled "It Is Well With My Soul" was written by a man named Horatio Spafford in 1873. This prominent lawyer and businessman from Chicago knew tragedy, he lived it. In 1871 his only son died at the age of four from scarlet fever, later he lost everything in the Great Chicago Fire, ruining him financially. Aware of the toll that these disasters had taken on his family, Horatio decided to take his wife and four daughters along with him to help DL Moody in England during an evangelstic tour as well as enjoy some time of rest. However, just before boarding the ship in New York, a last minute business development forced him to delay. Rather than ruining the familys holiday he urged them to go on ahead and he would follow shortly.
On November 2, 1873 their ship collided with an english vessel. It sank in 12 minutes, claiming the lives of 226 people. Anna Spafford had stood bravely on the deck with her daughters Annie, Maggie, Bessie, and Tanetta clinging desparately to her. Her last memory was of her baby being ripped violently from her arms by the forceful waters. Anna was saved only by a floating plank supporting her unconcious body.
Horatio received a telegram from Anna that read; "Saved Alone, What shall I do?" As he journeyed to meet his grieving wife, he passed over the location where his daughters had died, and was inspired to write the words to this now timeless, classic hymn.
My most favorite line reads; 'No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life, thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.'
Philipians 4:7 reminds me that; 'The peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus'.
I can't say that my faith could be as strong as Mr. Spaffords, but I am encouraged and inspired by his demonstration. I cannot say for sure that I could live through such tribulation, but I know that God, who sustained them, would also sustain me.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
My Easter Reflection
As I sit in the rare quiet of my house, while my daughter naps, I am trying to slow down and enjoy every minute rather than panic that my time will run out soon.
My spirit is so reflective and wants to sit in this lovely, soothing, peaceful place.
Easter is my favorite Holiday (next to Christmas) for its meaning, not for the commercialism (though don't get me wrong I love marshmallow peeps and chocolate and easter egg hunts and all that stuff). But the meaning behind Easter is the best gift of all. The gift of forgiveness.
Jesus died on the cross. JESUS died on the CROSS. JESUS DIED. This is mind boggling to me. My logic and intelligence can't understand it and yet my soul aches in the joy and in the pain of this truth. This is the Father's plan to bring his lost people back to him.
Before Christ we were doomed to death, judgment for all of the bad stuff we do, and eternal separation from God. Their is none good but God and we are not good enough to even be in his presence.
The 10 commandements couldnt keep people in line. They couldn't keep even one of them! I know I can't go one day without commiting some sort of crime; of the heart, of the mind, or even of my actions. I don't mean the kind of crime that would land me in jail, but the kind of crime that, prior to Christ, would have found me unclean to be in the presence of God.
God missed his people, his creation, and wanted them near him again, to fellowship with them and be worshiped by them. So the plan; to send his one and only son, this diety come to life and to walk the earth for the purposes of his death. What?! Yes! So that He could be the spotless lamb, the perfect sacrfice for the sins of all mankind. I'm still shaking my head in amazement.
The movie; The Passion of the Christ is by the far the best, most powerful, most inspirational, most moving illustration of what took place when Jesus was crucified. Crucified like a common criminal. Crucified for me! And for you! And for my enemies! Even for the people that I think don't deserve it. I'm in awe. I love watching this movie! It reminds me of my freedom today and the price that was paid for it. I am reminded of how much God loves me and to what lengths he went to bring me closer to him.
Wow! My words run low and I can no longer express my gratitude, my peace. God gives me peace that passes all understanding. And just for a moment longer I am going to sit with this and be present, right now, this minute. I will not avoid. It may be painful, I may even cry. But this gift is too big for my heart to comprehend and it always makes me cry.
I hope that you can grab a hold of this truth and accept this gift that God has given us. All we have to do is say; "Thank you Jesus, for dying for me, for wiping away my sins, for coming into my heart and into my life."
Happy Easter! He is Risen!
My spirit is so reflective and wants to sit in this lovely, soothing, peaceful place.
Easter is my favorite Holiday (next to Christmas) for its meaning, not for the commercialism (though don't get me wrong I love marshmallow peeps and chocolate and easter egg hunts and all that stuff). But the meaning behind Easter is the best gift of all. The gift of forgiveness.
Jesus died on the cross. JESUS died on the CROSS. JESUS DIED. This is mind boggling to me. My logic and intelligence can't understand it and yet my soul aches in the joy and in the pain of this truth. This is the Father's plan to bring his lost people back to him.
Before Christ we were doomed to death, judgment for all of the bad stuff we do, and eternal separation from God. Their is none good but God and we are not good enough to even be in his presence.
The 10 commandements couldnt keep people in line. They couldn't keep even one of them! I know I can't go one day without commiting some sort of crime; of the heart, of the mind, or even of my actions. I don't mean the kind of crime that would land me in jail, but the kind of crime that, prior to Christ, would have found me unclean to be in the presence of God.
God missed his people, his creation, and wanted them near him again, to fellowship with them and be worshiped by them. So the plan; to send his one and only son, this diety come to life and to walk the earth for the purposes of his death. What?! Yes! So that He could be the spotless lamb, the perfect sacrfice for the sins of all mankind. I'm still shaking my head in amazement.
The movie; The Passion of the Christ is by the far the best, most powerful, most inspirational, most moving illustration of what took place when Jesus was crucified. Crucified like a common criminal. Crucified for me! And for you! And for my enemies! Even for the people that I think don't deserve it. I'm in awe. I love watching this movie! It reminds me of my freedom today and the price that was paid for it. I am reminded of how much God loves me and to what lengths he went to bring me closer to him.
Wow! My words run low and I can no longer express my gratitude, my peace. God gives me peace that passes all understanding. And just for a moment longer I am going to sit with this and be present, right now, this minute. I will not avoid. It may be painful, I may even cry. But this gift is too big for my heart to comprehend and it always makes me cry.
I hope that you can grab a hold of this truth and accept this gift that God has given us. All we have to do is say; "Thank you Jesus, for dying for me, for wiping away my sins, for coming into my heart and into my life."
Happy Easter! He is Risen!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Now That's Forgiveness
A woman my age was recently arrested, charged with killing her 17 month old child.
There was blunt force trauma to the head and a puncture wound in the abdomen of her little boy. No one knows why, or perhaps no information has been released.
No reason in the universe would justify such an action. But I still struggle to try and understand. Is she mentally ill? Is she psychotic, detached from reality? She would have to be to kill her own child, right? Is she a monster? Was it an accident? How could this have happened?
I don't know any of these answers. As a mother, I have to believe that she must've been mentally ill or psychotic, because I cannot make sense of such an act any other way. I cannot begin to phathom what she must be experiencing today; mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I cannot imagine her pain when she is confronted with the reality of what has occurred.
But I do know this; that the God I serve has already forgiven her. All she need do is accept the gift of grace; the unearned favor already provided for her through the death of Jesus Christ.
How amazing is that?
Why does she deserve forgiveness? She doesn't, and neither do I. That's the point of God's grace. The definition of grace according to Webster is; "a delay granted for payment of an obligation". We've all heard of a 'grace period', right? The time the bank allows for us to pay a debt. But God's grace is FOREVER! And it can't be earned, it is a gift, through the sacrifice of Jesus.
Forgiveness, is defined "to give up resentment against or the desire to punish". This is the best news of all. God is not mad! He won't even keep an account of our wrongdoings, or the bad things we have done. When Jesus died on the cross he paid the price for my sin, for your sin, and for this mother's sin. The debt has been paid. This grace and forgiveness covers the entire offense, forever!
This woman will still have to pay the natural and societal consequences for her actions, whatever they may be. But God will not hold her eternally accountable if she accepts His gift.
Now that's forgiveness!
There was blunt force trauma to the head and a puncture wound in the abdomen of her little boy. No one knows why, or perhaps no information has been released.
No reason in the universe would justify such an action. But I still struggle to try and understand. Is she mentally ill? Is she psychotic, detached from reality? She would have to be to kill her own child, right? Is she a monster? Was it an accident? How could this have happened?
I don't know any of these answers. As a mother, I have to believe that she must've been mentally ill or psychotic, because I cannot make sense of such an act any other way. I cannot begin to phathom what she must be experiencing today; mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I cannot imagine her pain when she is confronted with the reality of what has occurred.
But I do know this; that the God I serve has already forgiven her. All she need do is accept the gift of grace; the unearned favor already provided for her through the death of Jesus Christ.
How amazing is that?
Why does she deserve forgiveness? She doesn't, and neither do I. That's the point of God's grace. The definition of grace according to Webster is; "a delay granted for payment of an obligation". We've all heard of a 'grace period', right? The time the bank allows for us to pay a debt. But God's grace is FOREVER! And it can't be earned, it is a gift, through the sacrifice of Jesus.
Forgiveness, is defined "to give up resentment against or the desire to punish". This is the best news of all. God is not mad! He won't even keep an account of our wrongdoings, or the bad things we have done. When Jesus died on the cross he paid the price for my sin, for your sin, and for this mother's sin. The debt has been paid. This grace and forgiveness covers the entire offense, forever!
This woman will still have to pay the natural and societal consequences for her actions, whatever they may be. But God will not hold her eternally accountable if she accepts His gift.
Now that's forgiveness!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Much needed reminder from Jesus
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I’ll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world’s sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I’ll never let you go
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I’ll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world’s sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I’ll never let you go
Monday, February 9, 2009
I LOVE Valentine's Day!
I LOVE Valentine's Day! I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! It is my favorite holiday. I know that is weird, most people love Christmas the best, but I LOVE Valentine's Day.
Maybe I love it because it is two days before my birthday, oh and two days before my husbands birthday.
Or it may be because its the day you get to be sweet and sappy and expressive with how much you LOVE the people in your life. The day my husband proves his romantic side is still alive. Could be that he buckles under the pressure to buy a card but it's what the card says that will show he was thinking about me.
It might be because the Valentine's Day is filled with pink and red and frilly hearts. I LOVE pink and red and I LOVE hearts. Brighton Jewelry is my favorite because of all the various designs of hearts.
Maybe it's because my very first Valentine memory was a valentine card from a 2nd grade boy, when I was just a first grader. The folded little valentine read; "I Todd, Love You Deana". I saved that precious memory in a scrapbook; the old fashioned kind that you have to glue or tape everything onto the construction paper. The kind that gets really thick and full of little pieces of treasured mementos.
Certainly I love Valentine's Day because I have fond memories of the party's in the classrooms where we exchanged valentines and candy with all of our classmates, dropping a little card into each of the homemade mailboxes. I couldn't wait to get home and read all of my cards to see who gave me what kind of valentine. Was she really my friend? Did he secretly like me? The valentine could always solve the mystery. So I would read them and eat the candy as I walked home from school.
Mostly I think I LOVE Valentine's Day because my mom always made Valentine's Day very special. I would wake up to a pretty, girly card and a little candy treat either in my room or at the breakfast table. My favorite one was a little cardboard trinket box that had music when the lid was lifted. On Valentines Day I knew my mom loved me!
I have carried on the tradition with my own kids. Valentine's Day is about them too! I am not sure if my teenage son cares all that much for my sentiment, but i know he loves the candy and I know he is assured of my love for him.
Maybe I love it because it is two days before my birthday, oh and two days before my husbands birthday.
Or it may be because its the day you get to be sweet and sappy and expressive with how much you LOVE the people in your life. The day my husband proves his romantic side is still alive. Could be that he buckles under the pressure to buy a card but it's what the card says that will show he was thinking about me.
It might be because the Valentine's Day is filled with pink and red and frilly hearts. I LOVE pink and red and I LOVE hearts. Brighton Jewelry is my favorite because of all the various designs of hearts.
Maybe it's because my very first Valentine memory was a valentine card from a 2nd grade boy, when I was just a first grader. The folded little valentine read; "I Todd, Love You Deana". I saved that precious memory in a scrapbook; the old fashioned kind that you have to glue or tape everything onto the construction paper. The kind that gets really thick and full of little pieces of treasured mementos.
Certainly I love Valentine's Day because I have fond memories of the party's in the classrooms where we exchanged valentines and candy with all of our classmates, dropping a little card into each of the homemade mailboxes. I couldn't wait to get home and read all of my cards to see who gave me what kind of valentine. Was she really my friend? Did he secretly like me? The valentine could always solve the mystery. So I would read them and eat the candy as I walked home from school.
Mostly I think I LOVE Valentine's Day because my mom always made Valentine's Day very special. I would wake up to a pretty, girly card and a little candy treat either in my room or at the breakfast table. My favorite one was a little cardboard trinket box that had music when the lid was lifted. On Valentines Day I knew my mom loved me!
I have carried on the tradition with my own kids. Valentine's Day is about them too! I am not sure if my teenage son cares all that much for my sentiment, but i know he loves the candy and I know he is assured of my love for him.
Monday, January 19, 2009
A day for the history books
I grew up in a neighborhood with no "blacks". I went to elementary and middle school with less than half a dozen african-american students. My mom, born in 1954, did not see a person of color until she was 13. We moved, when I entered high school, into an area with a rather high population of african-american folks. My parents were worried about this, but I didnt know what the problem could be.
When the L.A riots occurred, I didn't get what all the fuss was about, why the black community was so outraged. My mom understood. She remembered the Watts riots 27 years earlier. I had not been exposed to racisim; I am white, I was born in the 70's, I grew up in a white neighborhood, in other words I was sheltered from it. Perhaps, I was the epitome of it, I didn't mean to be. I have never personally experienced social injustice, prejudice or been the victim of racism, I can't possibly know what that is like.
Today, the United States of America will inaugurate it's first African-American President. Despite your political beliefs you have to admit that is pretty darn amazing! What progress we have made. The people have spoken. The Black community must feel so incredibly proud and exonerated. The highest office in all the land is finally integrated! How far we have come as a society, that my kids don't see this, a black man elected president, as a very big deal.
I stand in support of my leadership, whoever it may be. I am thankful to be led by a christian man. I will be praying for him and the decisions he will be making. I am in awe that the new president is not much older than me (and has younger children). I am hopeful for the future and the changes that will be made and that he is black is pretty cool too.
When the L.A riots occurred, I didn't get what all the fuss was about, why the black community was so outraged. My mom understood. She remembered the Watts riots 27 years earlier. I had not been exposed to racisim; I am white, I was born in the 70's, I grew up in a white neighborhood, in other words I was sheltered from it. Perhaps, I was the epitome of it, I didn't mean to be. I have never personally experienced social injustice, prejudice or been the victim of racism, I can't possibly know what that is like.
Today, the United States of America will inaugurate it's first African-American President. Despite your political beliefs you have to admit that is pretty darn amazing! What progress we have made. The people have spoken. The Black community must feel so incredibly proud and exonerated. The highest office in all the land is finally integrated! How far we have come as a society, that my kids don't see this, a black man elected president, as a very big deal.
I stand in support of my leadership, whoever it may be. I am thankful to be led by a christian man. I will be praying for him and the decisions he will be making. I am in awe that the new president is not much older than me (and has younger children). I am hopeful for the future and the changes that will be made and that he is black is pretty cool too.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Community
Almost 4 years ago, I sat in my living room holding a tiny baby with tears pouring down my face and stitches across my belly. My husband had to go back to school, only five days after our daughters birth. The room was quiet and very lonely. There were no visitors and I was desparate for one. Just someone to come and sit with me, I didn't need 'help', but really needed a friend. My feelings vascilated between pity and despair.
A friend from church called to see how I was doing and with a lilt in her voice said; "If you need anything you just let me know". I responded with; "I really just need some company" to which she replied; "Well, okay you just let me know". I thought I just did.
One angel came to visit, a beautiful woman from church. She brought a lovely present and sat with me and held my precious bundle as I cried and smiled. Trying my best to hold it together. As much as i enjoyed her coming, what a blessing!, our relationship was young and her presence seemed to compound my loneliness for others. Where was everyone? Had I really no friends? had I really not invested in relationships enough to have them here with me now in my time of need, in my time of joy, in my time of fear and saddness?
Here I am almost 4 years later and I am in awe of the difference. Right now at this moment I could call atleast a dozen women to; come over to sit with me, watch my child, make my family a meal, listen to my troubles or even help me laugh or cry. I have so many amazing people in my life today that I can't imagine living my life without them.
The difference? Community! I am part of a community. Women that support and encourage and help one another. We do life together and I wouldn't 'do life' any other way. I couldn't 'do life' any other way. I couldn't possibly slip through any crack today. If I hadn't been heard from in the next 7 days, someone would come calling. That is a great feeling of comfort and security and most of all love!
What holds us together? I suppose it could be woman power or motherhood or a kind of sisterhood but I believe that what holds us together is the love of Christ. We love others more than we love ourselves. Therefore, we put the needs of others ahead of our own. Guess what? Everybody wins that way!
I will never be lonely again, and I am so eternally grateful.
A friend from church called to see how I was doing and with a lilt in her voice said; "If you need anything you just let me know". I responded with; "I really just need some company" to which she replied; "Well, okay you just let me know". I thought I just did.
One angel came to visit, a beautiful woman from church. She brought a lovely present and sat with me and held my precious bundle as I cried and smiled. Trying my best to hold it together. As much as i enjoyed her coming, what a blessing!, our relationship was young and her presence seemed to compound my loneliness for others. Where was everyone? Had I really no friends? had I really not invested in relationships enough to have them here with me now in my time of need, in my time of joy, in my time of fear and saddness?
Here I am almost 4 years later and I am in awe of the difference. Right now at this moment I could call atleast a dozen women to; come over to sit with me, watch my child, make my family a meal, listen to my troubles or even help me laugh or cry. I have so many amazing people in my life today that I can't imagine living my life without them.
The difference? Community! I am part of a community. Women that support and encourage and help one another. We do life together and I wouldn't 'do life' any other way. I couldn't 'do life' any other way. I couldn't possibly slip through any crack today. If I hadn't been heard from in the next 7 days, someone would come calling. That is a great feeling of comfort and security and most of all love!
What holds us together? I suppose it could be woman power or motherhood or a kind of sisterhood but I believe that what holds us together is the love of Christ. We love others more than we love ourselves. Therefore, we put the needs of others ahead of our own. Guess what? Everybody wins that way!
I will never be lonely again, and I am so eternally grateful.
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