I got something today. An a-ha! moment.
Having to parent my child (aka discipline, correct, spank, etc) for the umpteenth time I was taken aback by the pattern we continue to follow. I spank her, she says; "sorry" (in a sassy, I'm-not-really, just-saying-this-to-get-you-out-of-my-room sort of way), I feel ineffective and we both feel frustrated. So, I stayed with her longer this time attempting to calm her down and have a conversation.
She didn't know what I wanted and kept getting annoyed that I wouldn't leave her alone saying; "what am I supposed to say, I said sorry like five times?!". She was looking for the formula by which she would be done being disciplined. I said; "but you are not sorry".
I tried to explain the idea of repentance to her; changing direction, a u-turn, doing something different than before,.....I wasn't doing a very good job.
She huffed, growled and contorted her body so I figured it best to leave her alone until she was able to hear me clearly. I told her she had to stay in her room and calm down until she was ready to say sorry and "mean it".
As I was walking downstairs to wait her out (and get some more laundry done), the truth hit me. God does not want us just to say sorry. He wants us to really be sorry. This is repentance. A change of heart, remorse, a humbling recognition of wrongdoing...I still can't explain it very well in 5-year-old language. Wow.
You know when you've heard something before, you knew what it meant but then you hear it again and it really hits you? Now it makes sense in a whole new way? That's what happened.
Some time went by, then she calls to me saying she is ready to talk. She begins; "I'm sorry for being sassy, and stomping, for almost hitting you and for screaming. Did I get it all?" I didn't know about the almost getting hit part but I said; "sounds like everything". She says; "I even said sorry for something you didn't even know about. Will you forgive me?"
Music to my heart! I should stop being shocked when my parenting actually works. And another thing, what makes me think parenting is going to be done anytime soon? Anyway, I said; "yes I forgive you", hugged and kissed her.
Then we had a conversation. We talked about how God can read our minds and our hearts, what truly being sorry looks like, how good it feels to do the right thing and clear things up when we make a mistake. Nice chat. She didn't even try to weasel out of it. (-:
God doesn't want us to say"sorry", He wants us to truly BE sorry.